Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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