So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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