dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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