one might say we're banned from that church
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
