She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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