A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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