We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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