her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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