If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
