so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
