I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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