i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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