last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
