I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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