Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
