That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
