that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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