I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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