I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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