Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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