its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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