it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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