what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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