Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
