I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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