How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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