Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
