Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
