I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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