i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize