What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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