There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize