All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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