Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
