sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
