I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
