Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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