So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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