if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
