I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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