By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
