At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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