I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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