I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
