3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
