My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
