I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
