someone threw a dead crab at me
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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