no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
