So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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