I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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