i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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