So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
