i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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