just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
