cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
