yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
