last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
