I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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