rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
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Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
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tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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