i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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