I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
