Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
