i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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