I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
