Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
