There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
