in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Congratulations! We have a period
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