I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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