Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize