Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
