I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
