I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
