Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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