I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Your cock deserves a montage
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
