How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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